oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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