So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
