Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
