we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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