I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
