Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
