I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
