I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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