No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
