i just had sex bonerless
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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