Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
