careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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