Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Randomize
