Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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