did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
