Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
PANTIES FOUND
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
