road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
