So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
