my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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