i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
