I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
