She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
