he was CRYING into my vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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