I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize