I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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