I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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