I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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