What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
