He asked to "fluff my boner.."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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