Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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