The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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