I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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