My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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