I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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