That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
