The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
