my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
