we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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