I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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