Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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