So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
