The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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