This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
