I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
