i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
