yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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