drinking out of a sandbucket again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
