If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize