im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
