I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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