he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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