god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
