I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
