So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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