And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
