is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
