This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
