You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
