He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yo dont text me then not text me
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
