There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
