I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Randomize