Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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