Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
