who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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