I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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