I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
