Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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