Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
