So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
