I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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