I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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