Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
