I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
