I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
