Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
