do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
