You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just puked most of my soul out..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
