He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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