we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
