What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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