this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
