If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
