He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
