Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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