So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
