Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to jail i love you
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
