Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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