I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
