and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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