I seem to have left my pride at pride
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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