i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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