i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
