I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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