Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
