I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
