allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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