My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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