Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
