I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
