I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Randomize
