The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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