is your mom at the bar?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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