ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
