im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
