I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
